3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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