the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
