I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
