And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
