So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
