It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
