And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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