You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
