So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
