Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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