he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
