I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
