Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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