do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
