Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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