I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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