i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
