Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
