Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
