Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
