Apparently you make a good broom.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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