When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
