allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
