fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
