I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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