Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
