I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
