just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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