I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
