id be glad to
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
