i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Even my vagina gasped.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
