she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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