The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
