I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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