I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
