I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
