this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
