I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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