The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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