last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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