I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
