A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
