Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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