At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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