Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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