Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
