I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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