yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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