I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
