I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
this is an emotional support booty call
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
