eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
